Angry

I hate my brother sometimes! He has always been self absorbed...really. He has been in and out of jail for the last decade. He will pretend to clean up for a bit and then be right back where he left off. Most of his problems stem from drugs or alcohol. I am sure I should feel sorry for him, but I am out of that emotion. I would happily help him, if he recognized that anything in his life was his own doing. Instead, it is my parents fault for not giving him money (a lie), or mine for always getting what I want (nevermind that I worked for it), or God's for not showing him the way (too drunk to see it clearly), or his friends, or the conspiracy of the world against him, or the Jews, or the Muslims, or the Blacks, or the Hispanics, or, or, or...

Now he is in jail, and will likely be convicted of a felony for passing fake prescriptions or something along those lines. I don't think he even realizes that this is a serious offense. And of course, it isn't his fault. My dad sent a lawyer to talk with him...and my brother decided he would rather take his chances with the public defender than take this from my dad. His comment to my dad was, "don't waste your money on a lawyer, just bail me out."

The thing that ticks me off the most is that he uses this behavior as a way to punish my parents. He knows that it is hard on my mom so he will continue to be destructive to himself just to hurt her.

I still hope that one day he will see how he has hurt those who love him and make the choice to change...but i am no longer waiting for it to happen. I plan that I will have to explain to my children one day about the choices he has made and the consequences he is now facing. He has made his choices...and they will provide a harsh reality that no one should have to face.